Transparently, I am a person who has voted Democrat, Republican, and Independent. If you take Independents off of the board, I believe that Democrats and Republicans are two different wings on the same bird. There is no party that completely encompasses my views. As a Black person, this should not be so much of a surprise. Many religious Black Christians agree with Republican views, but they might vote Democrat because of the social justice issues. Time and time again, I believe both parties have failed Black people. 

However, part of Black history, which is American history, reminds us that Black people and their non-white allies died for my right, as a Black American, to vote. Even though I am skeptical, since I was 18, I have voted, including during the primary elections where there tends to be lower voter turn out. This year, my husband and I each took one of our twin sons into the ballot box with us to explain what the purpose of voting is. We want them to become adults who vote even though we believe no candidate is truly doing the work necessary. In respect for those who have died, we vote.

All of my life I have lived in Indiana. From birth to about three I lived in Jeffersonville, Indiana. For the rest of my life, including right now, I have live in Indianapolis, Indiana. During college, I attend Purdue University and lived in West Lafayette, Indiana. Regardless, of where you live in Indiana, even if it is Indy, it is clear that Indiana is a red state with conservative values. Many of those values align with my personal beliefs. 

If you have conservative personal values, people love to pounce on you and dismiss your commentary. Today, I hope you will listen. I am tired of all of the divisiveness. I am tired of the fact that if people have certain beliefs, they are labeled as hateful or even homophobic because they choose to share their beliefs or engage in dialgoue. Today, in probably my longest introduction ever, I ask you to listen even if you don’t agree.

Let’s get into.

I have been following the conversation around a bill introduced during the Indiana legislative session, Senate Bill 354. In particular, the bill asks that “a public school, including a charter school, to notify the parent of an unemancipated minor, if the student: (1) makes a certain disclosure concerning the student’s gender identity or gender expression to an employee or staff member of the school; or (2) changes, expresses a desire to change, or makes a request to change the student’s name, attire, or pronoun, title, or word to identify the student in a manner that is inconsistent with the student’s biological sex at birth.”

Many groups that support LGBTQIA+ and transgender bills claim this bill will make students who identify as such unsafe. 

…so, what is the answer?

If a student is at school and believes they are a different gender than the one they were born as and requests to be called a different name to align with the gender, parents should know. As a parent, I would like to know. 

Parents send their children to school to receive an academic education, not to have their religious and moral beliefs supplanted by the school or school district.

I disagree with the part of the bill where it states that teachers should report behaviors such as boys being feminine or girls being masculine because what feminine and masculine are is subjective.

In middle school, I was a tomboy who wore boys’ clothes I received from a male cousin, and I had a bit of a goth flare. I even had one of those chains and liked wearing black and gray. As an adult, I still don’t care for dresses; however, I will wear them at times.

My attire was so concerning that it prompted a conversation with my dad one Saturday before he went off to his second shift job. He asked me whether I liked any boys at school.

First of all, I was raised extremely conservatively. I was permitted to go to school, church, and my grandmother’s house. That’s it. I lived at church. My dad had already made it clear that I could date right before I was old enough to get married. I thought this was a trap, so I hesitated and said no. I also second-guessed how my hesitation would be interpreted. Then, he asked if I liked anyone else.

Listen, y’all; I was so confused. Again I thought this was some kind of trap, but it did not cross my mind that he was talking about girls. I thought that he was thinking of an adult male. The moment it clicked, I started laughing. That confused my dad. Then I told him that the only person I liked was myself, boys at the time were too immature, and girls were not people I was into.

In an ideal world, parents would just have this type of conversation, or kids would feel comfortable enough to talk to their parents. I don’t think it is right to say we should not provide information to parents because we assume they will overreact. We don’t know how they would react. Neither do the children. Children are giving their best guess based on a still developing brain. Also, children are minors who are under the care of an adult unless they are emancipated during their youth. Those adults have rights.

After establishing that I was just simply a tomboy, my dad still had concerns that I was sending a message with my clothing. He took my chain that day, banned me from wearing any male clothing, subscribed me to Seventeen magazine, told me I should learn how to do makeup, and permitted me to wear it.

I was the most happiest about wearing makeup, but I’m was bummed about my chain because it took a while to add all the pieces I had on it.

I don’t think educators should share information based on a hunch, but I do think students should talk to their parents about who they believe they are.

It is natural for kids to be apprehensive. I didn’t even know my son had a girlfriend until he got outed by his 5th-grade teacher for too much hugging and hand-holding. When we asked why he kept it a secret, he said it was because he didn’t know what we would say or how we would react. After that was cleared up, and he realized we weren’t mad, we were able to have a productive conversation and support him when they broke up the day before fall break in 6th grade.

I don’t know what the answer is, but I know that students hiding information from their parents isn’t right and isn’t the answer.

As a parent, I would want someone to tell me if there was something going on with my sons that I didn’t know.

I still have this lingering question: How do we ensure that if legislation is passed that it meets the needs of parents on both sides of the aisle? I have yet to see a solution. All I have seen are accusations, name-calling, and shaming … and that won’t get us anywhere.